Crucial and Informative
“I am not a doctor or a
counselor but from my own experience as a trauma survivor and through research
and hands on mentorship, I believe these 12 simple tips can aid in the healing
process of a survivor. Often times, we can re-victimize or trigger an already
broken spirit by our words or actions. My hope is that these simple steps can
help us, help them.” Jen Unangs
1.
Don’t say “I understand” to a survivor because you
probably don’t.
2.
Don’t give unsolicited advice: Instead, review
options with the survivor and then support her decisions. Allow her to take
control over their own life, even if you believe you would do something
differently or if you believe she may regret her decision.
3.
Don’t gasp or grimace when hearing a traumatic
story (and you will). Be prepared to hear possible stories of child rape, torture,
or even murder.
4.
Don’t over talk a survivor. It’s important
to let her speak and get her feelings out without us trying to have an answer
for everything. She may for the first time in a long time have her voice back,
let her use it.
5.
Don’t tell her not to get a tattoo or piercing or cover
them up. This tells the survivor she should change and gives her the message
you don’t accept her as she is. Tell them their blue hair and black eyeliner is
cool! We love with no conditions.
6.
Don’t put down a survivors pimp. Often times there are a trauma
bond that we don't understand. She may love her pimp. She will learn over time
she was actually victimized by him. This must be a gentle slow process and can
be very painful.
7.
DO NOT ask the survivor about her story. Trust me,
she will tell you but only what she feels comfortable telling. Don’t ask
question like, “why didn't you run? Just don't ask. It’s important to focus on
the future. What are her dreams and aspirations?
8.
Try not to call nicknames. Refrain from words like sweetie
or honey that may have been used by johns, pimps, and abusers and could trigger
her. Always helps to ask first.
9.
Don’t grab a survivor’s hand or touch her without permission. Also, you
don’t have to lay hands on her to pray for her. Trust me, that’s very
uncomfortable the first few times. You’ll get to know who likes hugs and touch
and who doesn't. It's important to ask.
10. Don't press the survivor to
report her trafficker to the police. Don't insist that she talk to someone about
it. Doing nothing is a valid option and needs to be supported.
11.
Don't be afraid to say no! Its important to instill
healthy boundaries. Just because she's a survivor doesn't mean you give her
everything and say yes to anything she asks for. It’s a hard thing to do but
will teach healthy relationships and instill trust.
12.
Don't treat her like a victim. The minute she leaves or is
relocated from her pimp she is no longer a victim but a survivor. Try to focus
on her future. Let her counselors deal with the past.
